Movie Review- Scary Movie V

What happens when you watch a show titled Scary Movie V? Feel angry that it defeats the purpose, as the film is neither scary nor funny. That was exactly what I felt when I watched this film. It was a total mess.


This is how it started, and also how I first knew that this show was stupid- it started in the “best” possible instance ever, when the short-lived Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan made a sex tape which was meant to go on the web. What about the other 20 cameras? Meant to ensure nobody steals the tapes? I know that that was a pun, but is 20 really too much? I thought so. Following which, the most ridiculous thing is that sex isn’t really sex- it is just a jumbled up collection of a variety of gymnastics and acrobatics put together, on a bed. I hardly laughed, instead starring at the screen, wondering how they even agreed to get together to make such a film. After which, Mama somehow arrived, which I still don’t know why she even did so in the first place, and started doing the normal you would find when you are being attacked by ghosts- except for this isn’t scary, but it is stupid, and both the stars just fly around the screen, which I felt was a tad too long and overexaggerated. It was meant to be even longer, with a disgusting element of Charlie’s “” getting hit on the door as portrayed by the trailer, but the funniest part (that part) of the whole flying around thing got removed. None of the jokes, firstly, clicked with me, as for the first time ever, I felt that a meant-to-be funny movie was not funny, but instead stupid. I know that this is indeed a parody, which I am well used to, and I do welcome them, but isn’t this too much. As a first time viewer of the Scary Movie franchise, I have not had experience with the previous films in the franchise, but I’m sure that it wasn’t such a complete mess.

Come on, let's scream louder, cos I saw myself on TV (I am going to die, so why does that even bother me anyway, when Charlie is already flying around the room?)
Come on, let’s scream louder, cos I saw myself on TV (I am going to die, so why does that even bother me anyway, when Charlie is already flying around the room?)

The film was filmed in a variety of tactics, utilising the found-footage tactic when at the house, either via installed security cameras and handheld cameras, but shifting regularly from all three is really a bit confusing. Also, I somehow is led to believe that the film is somehow to short, with all the segments of the various shows it tries to mimic being too short to enjoy, or jumping from a scene to the next too sudden to follow. Unrealistic jokes are yet another problem. How can two man carry over ten guns each on them without any thing like a trolley, and without feeling the burden? That’s what I thought.

Come on, let's play a game, where I kick the table, and steal your money, and scare you to your death.
Come on, let’s play a game, where I kick the table, and steal your money, and scare you to your death.

However, it is worth praising that the film did successfully bring across the shows it were trying to mimic, and despite being brief, it still brought a good co-relationship between all those films into one, making them look like they are all in a shared universe. However, the one problem that parodies usually are thrown in is the fact that they feel to differentiate the the original film and the parody, instead just throwing segments of each film in it. That was a slight problem I had with this film, allowing me to feel like it was a waste of money when I had already caught all the other films seperately, which were indeed much more enjoyable.

"Hey, aren't you Leonardo DiCaprio?" "You're stupid, I am not, I am the guy who can enter your dreams..."
“Hey, aren’t you Leonardo DiCaprio?”
“You’re stupid, I am not, I am the guy who can enter your dreams…”

I felt that the make-up used on both the fake “Madea” and “DiCaprio” was indeed convincing enough at certain angles, and that was a welcome to a boring film indeed. This final product managed to jump through to be way more enjoyable than another similar film, The Haunted House. However, certain people had questionable make-ups on them, including Christian Grey and Mama, who definitely didn’t look right. Also, the interpretation of two woman having sex seems ridiculous and stupid enough, which makes certain parts of the film stale, despite the best efforts of the writers and directors to make it look like a stand-out moment, and also serve as yet another controversial moment to the film.

"You see that" "Yeah, it's just a ghost, the sharks are gonna consume them, let's just continue sleeping and drinking"
“You see that”
“Yeah, it’s just a ghost, the sharks are gonna consume them, let’s just continue sleeping and drinking”

Yet another standard problem this film faced, albeit much worse than most other films including parodies, would be its character development. Apart from mimicing what other films think of their stars, this film didn’t try to do any work to differentiate it’s characters from those in Mama, which the film was strongly based on. The only thing I got was an abrupt change in all the character’s behaviours, with Jody suddenly shifting from a mother who hates children to a mother who cares for them, and also from a person who hates ballet and loves playing the guitar to become the direct opposite (what happened to her music career, anyway). Also, she who was meant to bond with her kids by going to ballet and being chosen at the end as the Swan Queen, decided to dumb her thoughts in the end, and she actually mentioned that she didn’t want to be the Swan Queen in order to bond with her kids. This is definitely misleading, and once again shows the problem with the link in the plots.

As much as this film tries its best to differentiate itself, this film fails in many aspects, and might even prove to be one of the worst parodies in years. I believe that had they not rush through this product, the final film would have been much more pleasing and enjoyable. I didn’t hate the film, but neither did I like it either. It just makes the whole purpose of watching a parody seem redundant and a waste of time.

VERDICT: The film fails to differentiate itself, and doesn’t bother about it’s characters either. It’s just a rushed product which tries to throw in any popular horror film or pop culture object into the mix, like different segments in one film. Definitely not enjoyable.

FINAL SCORE: 5/100- How can this half-completed film even be released. It should have at least went straight to DVD!Check back soon for more movie reviews on other films like The Wolverine, Despicable Me 2, Monsters University, White House Down and The Last Stand. Also check back for more reviews regularly.

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